It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
