Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
