So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
