I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
