I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
