Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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