dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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