Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
