drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
