I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
