you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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