you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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