hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize