Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
