Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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