Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
