omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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