Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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