Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
