New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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