what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
