I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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