I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
