Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
