I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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