i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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