toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
