Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
