For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
