I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
