Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
