yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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