I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
