Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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