margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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