only you would photoshop your dick
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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