My room smells like vodka and shame
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
