i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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