The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
