Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
