She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
