I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
