If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
