i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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