i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
