She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
