I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
