These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
