if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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