Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
