careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
