i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
