I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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