Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
