Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
