So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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