There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm sobbing to NWA
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
