Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
