Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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