If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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