If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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