R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
