We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
