I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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