If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
