When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
