I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
