I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
