I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Randomize
