So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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