So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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