Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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