Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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