She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
