It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she smelled like a LAN party
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
FUCK WHALES
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
