I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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