i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Randomize
