I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
