i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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