Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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