One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
