You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
