I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
