dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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