I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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