Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We are all done wearing pants today
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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