Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
