Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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