ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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