What a fucking waste of an outfit
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
