Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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