The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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