So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My ATM looks so different sober.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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