Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
